THE LOST LEGION 2014

THE LOST LEGION 2014

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Subtitled “The last chance for a new Rome”, The Lost Legion would, in an optimist’s world, be the final nail in the undying trend of Roman/Spartan/Sandal epics’ coffin. But we’re not optimists, we’re pessimists, and this film does nothing to appease that sense of negativity.
David Kocar and Petr Kubik (directors), Christopher Hynde and Lloyd Simandl (writers/creators) are the men responsible for this languid instalment.
Beginning with a strong nod toward the slow motion brutality of the 300 series, The Lost Legion feels like it might be a derivative, yet casually fun action flick: a band of barbarians attacks the eponymous lost legion (I think… names, factions and plot points are about as obtuse as it can get).
Cue some fairly decent choreography, indulgent scenery chewing, digestion and subsequent defecation and a sprinkling of delusions of Shakespearean grandeur and you’ve got an entertaining opening gambit.
Unfortunately, that’s about all it has going for it. Shortly thereafter, the viewer is presented with an hour and forty minutes of ridiculously clunky, poorly acted, nonsensical dialogue and a very peculiar amount of female flesh.
Granted, an authentic depiction of Roman decadence and hedonism will feature some offhand nudity and lechery. But were the countless topless slave women, oiled chests and cameras literally following breasts like a horny bloodhound cum director searching for a glimpse of something worth remembering in the bathroom later on, when everybody is at work, really necessary

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